forks? i'd rather have spoons

it's monday night, 11:06pm & i'm sitting in my room with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. i feel like a lot of things are about to change in my life- i'm coming to some forks in the road & if you know me at all, i hate making decisions. choosing where to eat or meet is never fun for mellie. "i don't care, wherever you want to go" is my usual answer. when i say i hate to make decisions, i'm not talking about choosing between right & wrong, i'm talking about choosing between 2 or more potentially ok choices.

i've been praying God's will in my life for years, but "hearing from God" is something i continually strive to understand more. what does that mean? when people say "i prayed & knew it was what God wanted me to do" how?? how did they know for sure? i know to pray about decisions, i know the holy spirit quickens your heart towards certain decisions, i know God closes & opens doors, i know people in your life that are strong in the Lord that you look up to can give you advice, but is that it? are those the best ways to make your decision or am i missing something?

a few years ago when i was getting broken up with, the guy said "i've been praying about this & i just feel like us together isn't God's will for my life." i couldn't argue with that. i couldn't say "well He didn't tell me that, so..." looking back i'm glad as hell that happened because i wouldn't have married him anyway, but how did he know then when i didn't? i mean i just don't understand how some people get these clear answers while most of the time mine are just muddy & confusing with no one real better choice than the other. again, i'm not talking about choosing bt right vs. wrong, but bt 2 rights. when both doors are wide open & you don't have any certain swaying feelings between the 2 possibilities, how the heck do you know what to do?

it's my heart vs. my head, it's deciding between holding onto or letting go of a hope for something that i thought was there that may not be there after all, it's figuring out which fork to take in a few different aspects of my life. do i go right or left? isaiah 30:21 says "whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "this is the way, walk in it."" why can't i hear it? please speak up. please speak up.